Enduring

It is not possible to be 100% free of your past overnight. The first eighteen years of my life came back to me the weekend I came home, and it was too much for me to handle. I didn't try to remind myself of the good things in my life. I couldn't. But this is why I'm writing and making this blog.
A troubled past (or memories of the present) will be with you through your life. But I promise that life does go on and those memories will bother you less and less. When I first arrived at college, I did make five new friends (maybe a bit awkwardly). But as time went on and I started building my life, I became more confident in some ways.

I used to only talk to people who talked to me, but suddenly I became more sociable to the point where I easily made friends. I still had times where I left the room if I was going to have a panic attack over conversations that made me anxious. But those moments occurred less and less as time went on. At the time, I didn't feel like I was improving. But right now, thinking about my ten months at college...I knew I was getting so much better. Any progress is good. This progress will motivate me to try harder.
You need to surround yourself with people who love you and the things you are passionate about as often as you can. And when you can't, you have to keep reminding yourself of the bright spots in your life to help you survive.

In my dorm, I covered my bulletin boards with cards, drawings, and notes written by the people I love back home. They inspire me to move on with my life and make it good. Because I was about to control everything that happened in my life. And so will you, when you finally break away.

You will have the power to make your life better. You can choose to eliminate negative people and things from your life and start from scratch. And you should never apologize for making yourself happy like this.

You will find more reasons to stay alive and more reasons to fight for your life. You will meet lovely people and discover the most beautiful things.

There will not be an absence of bad days. This is true. But those days will happen less and less.

You will gain more strength the longer you stay and the longer you fight. Think of how many years you've survived so far. And you can survive double those years. Triple. Quadruple. And far beyond that.

We cannot live that long without challenges, without fights to face. Some fights were meant to lose, but that does not mean we should give up. The more you fight, the stronger you will be. The more experience you will gain. And with your increasing strength and knowledge, you will win more of these battles.

Every soldier has their strength. Everyone has something to contribute. Don't think just because you're not as talented or attractive or intelligent as the people around you that you're worthless. You're young. You can't be expected to know what you're going to do immediately.

This is why you have to be on your own and explore life. It could take a long time to figure out what you want to do. And that's okay. Life is about living. (yesyesiamcaptainobvious) Just never give up.